NO. I promise.
The Tiny Princess, who frequently relocates during the middle of the night, was strangely still fast asleep in her own bed (she got candy for that). Easy E, who lapses into a death-defying coma every night, was also still asleep in his room. However, Drama, who sleep walks and has been known to pee in trash cans when doing so, was in the kitchen checking out a recently constructed Lego set. At 5:30 in the morning. Hmmmmmm.
Also suspicious, Thing 1 was in the corner of our room licking himself most inappropriately. Sorry I couldn't get a picture of that. You get this instead.
Drama swears that he didn't do it. But he also has no recollection of walking across the bed one night a few years ago and standing over his brother while peeing on him. So I'm not sure that we can trust his version of the story.
And, the cat is strangely silent. So far, this has been the big mystery of 2013.
Moving on, a number of friends requested that I follow through with my promise of a book report of my recent reads. In order of preference, here are my top twelve
1. Hopeless by Colleen Hoover
I love this book. REALLY LOVE IT.
It's possible that I listed it first because I just recently finished it. Maybe other books further down the list were better. But, books are like ex-boyfriends. As time passes, the reasons why you liked them become less apparent.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who loves hard, seventeen-year-old love. This book has it all. She's a high school senior with a clean record and a quirky adopted mom. He's a bad boy with a record of violence and family tragedy. She doesn't want to like him, and as soon as she gives into it he walks away. This book twists and turns and will rip you inside out. It's got more drama than a Chris Brown - Rihanna reunion. I'm certifiably dead inside but got goose bumps at least twice while reading it.
So, I say READ IT! Unless, you have unresolved issues with suicide or child/sexual abuse. Then, forget I said anything.
2. Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire
I talked about this book a few months ago. It really tickled my fancy.
In this book, we've got college kids with college size baggage. It wasn't written by a Mormon (i.e. Twilight), if you know what I mean. But it wasn't written by Heidi Fleiss either. It's somewhere beautifully in the middle.
He is a handsome bad boy and is untamable until . . . of course . . . he meets our heroine. Since she's the only girl on campus that doesn't throw herself at him like Taylor Swift on a boy band member, he can't resist her. Naturally. But, all is not what it seems since our good girl is hiding a childhood that could rival Meadow Soprano's.
They are together. They are apart. They are together. They are apart. You will want to beat her on the head at some point. But, it never gets old. And, I will happily get to reread it all over again from his point of view this spring when the not-really-a-sequel comes out.
3. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
It's been a while since I've read this one so it's feeling like my seventh grade boy friend at this point. I can't really remember the details but I know it ended badly. But I also know this: when I was there, I loved it.
Unlike most books that I figure out before the crucial point, Gone Girl kept me twisting in the wind. We are talking about the height of marital disfunction here. Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl and lives . . . happily ever after . . . until girl goes missing. All evidence points to foul play.
So who did it? Did he? It would seem so but I'm not telling.
4. Reason to Breathe by Rebecca Donovan
Emma is a high school senior just trying to make it through the last year before college. She lives with her uncle and her physically abusive aunt. She never makes mistakes because to do so means that she won't be able to walk for a week. And, she doesn't let anyone get close. Of course. That is, until a good boy from the right side of town takes notice. It's all rainbows and unicorns from there. Well, until the next time her aunt beats the crap out of her . . .
You won't be able to stop your self from immediately downloading the sequel, Barely Breathing.
And, you won't be able to breathe yourself until the third installment comes our this spring. Look at me now, I'm turning purple as we speak.
5. The Coincidence of Callie and Kayden by Jessica Sorensen
Let's go back to high school again. Are you picking up on a reoccurring theme here? Callie is a strange girl with serious issues. She doesn't relate to her peers. She doesn't date. So, you know that something has to be wrong with her.
Fast forward to college. She's almost a different person, but an old acquaintance from high school jeopardizes her new life. And, he really gets under her skin. The problems are aplenty here. She MAY have sexual abuse issues that manifest as an eating disorder. He MAY have daddy issues that leave him damaged. You will begin to believe that there is no way that these two can work it out. And, you'll wait with baited breath for the sequel (due this spring).
Other books that I have read recently that are worth mentioning:
Flat-Out Love by Jessica Park
The Intituion Series by Amy Bartol
Stay tuned for my next installments of "How to train for the NFL with a broken toe" and "How to make Mondays worse than they already are by fasting."