Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year's Dissolutions and Resolutions

Hey there.   Remember me?  I just wanted to drop by and wish everyone a

Facebook is full of well-wishers making big promises for the upcoming year.  Before I can think ahead, I'm going to look back and reflect on the previous year.

12 Highlights of 2012

1.  Started and quit blogging.

It's self-promoting.  It's narcissistic.  And, I love it.  I love having a couple of glasses of wine . . . or, today, a couple of bloody mary's . . . and just sitting down and writing whatever comes to mind.   I love pretending that I'm funny.  There seems to be a direct correlation between the number of glasses of wine that I have and how funny I think I am. 

So,  if I love it so much, where have I been for the past two months? I haven't had much to say . . . so I said nothing at all.  I think we were all happier that way.

2.   Gave up sugar and then got right back on that wagon.

This blog began as a chronicle of Elizabeth and my struggle to give up sugar during Lent.   For forty days, we were devout.  But, as soon as Lent was over, sugar started sneaking back into our diets.  First, it was just sporadic little lapses of judgment.  Then the lapses started to get more frequent.

Now, it's more like I'm trying to maintain a constant sugar-induced coma.  For example, for breakfast this morning, I had a piece of Oooey Gooey Butter Cake, two Chocolate Chip Cookies, and . . . to level out the sugar . . . some of  my mom's Mac n' cheese.  For reals. 

3.   Discovered a love of angsty, young-adult dys-fictional love.

Additionally, I haven't been blogging the past two months because I wanted to step away from technology and re-engage with the real world. 

I'm totally kidding. 

I've spent every free minute glued to my kindle or iPad.   I have read twelve books during the last eight weeks.  None of them were works of literary art that are going to grow my middle-aged mind.   But, ask me about them and watch my eyes light up.  I love disfunction.  The more trauma and drama, the better.  Basically, I love love . . .  but only if it is hard.  My next blog post will likely be a review of all 12 books.  I know that you can hardly wait.
4.  Decided that I want to write a book rather than a blog.

All the reading got me to thinking that I would like to write a book.  Not about me.  Who would want to read that?  No, if this dream comes to life, it will naturally be full of angsty, young love.  Elizabeth and I are working on the story line.  The Great and Powerful Oz has some good ideas too.  I need to leverage this into a movie option.

I'm going to show Stephanie Meyer and E.L. James how it's really done. 

5.   Broke up Team Shortstack.

I had the best workout group ever.  And, in May, I pulled a Yoko Ono and broke up the band.  I did it in the name of Indians and Crossfit.  I don't regret it, but I do miss the routine of hanging with my girl friends every morning.  Okay, maybe I do regret it just a little.  I also regret that I've gained 10 pounds since May.  See number two above.

6.  Discovered who my true friends are.

Nothing dramatic happened.  But, as one gets older, one begins to focus on the important things in life rather than the minutia.  What I have discovered is that I have some really great friends.  And, I have some pretty shitty friends, too. It's important to know the difference. 

7.  Ran into stuff.  

In April, I ran into a pole and split my head open.  While I was in Hawaii visiting a friend in November, I ran into a doorway and broke my little toe.  While at my in-laws' during Christmas, I ran into another doorway and re-broke the same toe. 

Basically, I run into stuff.  A lot.

8.  Got over the hump.

Elizabeth and I realized that we finally have gotten past the baby hump.  All six of our kids are now over three years of age.  Everyone has stopped peeing and pooping in their pants.  Nobody takes a bottle or needs a pacifier.  Additionally, it means that Elizabeth and I can actually sit down and talk while the kids play. 

There will always be the constant threat of a child requiring some sort of assistance or intervention, but it's nice that the kids have reached a modicum level of self sufficiency.

9.  Gave up showering.

If you see me around town, you may wonder if I gave up showering in 2012.  I usually break up my work day with a workout at lunch time, and I typically don't have time to shower until much later.  So, I'm stinky and foul when I'm doing the kid drop-off and pick-up thing.  

The great and powerful Oz thinks it's disugusting and I should really have more pride.   I think there is a whole blog post to be written on this subject. 

10.  Fell in love with Lavash.

The discovery of Joseph's Lavash Bread was a life changer.  And, then, like a fool, I told all of you about it and made it virtually impossible for me to get it.  Since Walmart is frequently out of it, it is a good thing that I keep a stock of at least five packages in my freezer at all times.  It's my only effort at prepping for armageddon.

If the world goes to shit and we all go into hiding, my loved ones and myself will live off of love Lavash.  The rest of  you are on your own.

11.  Started losing my teeth.

Yeah, this one sucks.  I've said before that my front teeth are loose.  Like, really loose.  During the summer, I did the responsible thing and saw a dentist and then a peridontist.  But, then I went into some sort of deep denial and haven't made any progress on resolving the situation despite being told that my teeth are "absolutely going to get looser and looser" and that at some point I'm "really not going to like the way I look."  By the end of 2013, I could have a whole new grill.

12. Asked for a raise.

If you know anything about my work situation, you know that I have a really sweet gig.   After 12 years with the firm, I have earned their trust.   No one looks over my shoulder.  I make my own hours.   I'm rarely in the office.  I have been told that I am like a unicorn since the young attorneys have heard I exist but have never actually had a sighting.  It's beautiful. 

. . . well, except for the hundreds of partners that I technically work for.  

I shouldn't complain.  But, after five years without a raise and a constant increase in my billable rate, I'm facing my own personal fiscal cliff.  So, at the close of 2012,  I decided to ask for more.   And, I was told, "Yeah, that's not going to happen."
It was awesome.  And, really closed out the year with a bang.  At least they didn't fire me for insubordination.
 The Year to Come

So that's a wrap-up of my year.  After reminiscing about the highlights of 2012, I should probably come up with a resolution for 2013.  I saw something on twitter (GS Elevator Gossip) the other day that made me laugh: 

My biggest New Year's resolution . . .
To not change a f*@#ing thing.

It totally resonanted with me. 
I hate New Year's resolutions.  They are usually overachieving, and, as a result, no one keeps them.   So, I guess my New Year's Resolution is to just keep on trucking.  Basically, I'm going to continue starting things that I can't or don't want to finish.   My motto is going to be "Yeah, that's not going to happen." 
It's going to be a good year.


  1. Gonna have to say, funny as hell. K.Cox (obv not anonymous just don't know google account)