Saturday, October 6, 2012

Husbands are like Hamburgers . . . and a Week of Workouts

Just like there are different grades of hamburgers, there are different grades of husbands.  And,  I frequently compare husbands to hamburgers.

For me, the measuring stick is a Dornick burger.

Admittedly, this is not an actual Dornick burger.
But, it would look a lot like this.
If  you aren't from southern Oklahoma, you've got no idea what "Dornick" is.   But, let me tell you . . .  the Dornick burger is big . . . it is juicy.  It has all the fixings including bacon and is made to order.

And, a good . . . no, a great husband is like a Dornick burger.  I could rattle on and on about what a great husband does for his wife.  But, a wife mostly just measures a husband by what he does for his kids, and a great husband is a father who is present.

A great husband helps to get the kids out the door in the mornings.  He fixes hair.  He makes breakfasts.  He eats dinner with the kids and asks each one about their day.  He "babysits" his own kids . . . and some times, he even babysits an extra kid that doesn't belong to him.

A great husband camps out in the backyard with the kids.  He sleeps on the ground because the kids want to sleep on the air mattress.  He takes them to Walmart on a Friday night to buy sleeping bags that will actually keep them warm because it's going to be cold out there.  That's a great husband.

Now, a good husband might not rate as high as a Dornick burger but might compare to a Burger King Whopper.

It's flame grilled, and there's something to be said for that.  A Whopper Husband might be willing to do most of the things I said above but falls just a little short.  Maybe he doesn't help in the mornings before school.  Or, maybe he doesn't regularly make it home for dinner.  But, he's still a good guy, a good dad, and a good husband.

A little bit lesser husband might be a McDonalds Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

It's not that great, but it does have two pieces of cheese so it's better than a poke in the eye, right?  A quarter pounder husband isn't a guy you want to kick to the curb, but he might not fully justify the calories.

An even lesser husband might be a plain jane, fairly disgusting Happy Meal Burger.

This burger is nothing to write home about, but it does come with a toy so it has a redeeming quality.  A Happy Meal Husband is just barely getting by.  He's providing little nutritional content or enjoyment.

And, a pretty crappy husband might be nothing more than a slider.

Even if it's cute and comes in some fancy packaging, at the end of the day it just leaves you unsatisfied.  A Slider Husband is the same way.  He spends more time with his friends or on his hobbies than he does with his family.  He's of no use around the house.  The Slider Husband just leaves you hungry for something more . . . or maybe something else.

I know this post isn't funny.  I'm sorry for that because I usually try to keep it funny, but I just wanted to rave on the Great and Powerful Oz for a minute.

Sometimes I make jokes at his expense on this little blog of mine, and he takes it all in stride.  He puts up with my shenanigans . . . well, mostly.  I mean, let's be real, he's not a saint.  But, he's a good guy and a great husband.  He's usually a Dornick burger.  Now, he's not a Dornick burger every single day, but he rarely delves lower than a Whopper and never, ever below a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.  But most importantly,   whether he's swinging and hitting or swinging and missing, he always strives to be a Dornick burger.

Now, its only fair . . . if I'm comparing him to hamburgers that I compare myself to something too, right?   So, let's say, I am like a cupcake.  Occasionally, I'm a gourmet cupcake with peanut butter frosting.


But, most of the time, I'm probably just an average Walmart cupcake.  I get the job done, but there's room for improvement.

And, every now and then, I'm even a nasty-ass hostess cupcake that's just barely getting by.

But, like my Dornick burger of a husband, I'm always striving to be the gourmet cupcake and not the Hostess cupcake.  I want to be the gourmet cupcake with peanut butter frosting.

This post is too sickly sweet . . .  ick . . . that's not my style.  Oz is going to think that I'm after something.  Like maybe a fifth-wheel camper . . . because I'm not one to sleep on the cold ground.

Here's what I did this week:

Have a great weekend!


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