My Liberal Hooker Weekend: That sh*t cray

We spent last with my husband’s family in Kansas.   My husband, a.k.a The Great and Powerful Oz, was born and raised in Liberal.   

And, it’s very fitting that I lovingly somewhat sarcastically refer to him as Oz on this site since his hometown is also the home of ‘Dorothy’s House’, which is 5,000 sqft of animated entertainment. 

The citizens of Liberal are predominately Hispanic (65%), which means that there are few signs or storefronts that I can understand.  It  is entirely unclear to me whether the citizens appreciate the rich cultural history that is provided by animated munchkins.

But, in all truthfulness, I LOVE visiting Liberal.  My in-laws’ house is one of the happiest places on earth.  I am an only child.  So even after being married into the family for 14 years, the amount of energy and activity that goes with three kids and all of their offspring still takes me by surprise.   And, no one even minds that fourteen people are sharing two bathrooms.  It’s special.  

Now, if you think that my complimentary description of my in-laws’ house is my attempt to suck up to them and Oz’s sister (who, incidentally, dressed up as Dorothy and gave tours of Dorothy’s house during high school) before I tear the town up, you would be correct. 

Because like any other small mid-west town (including my own), there isn’t much to do in Liberal.  

We spend a lot of time hanging around the house or the house’s of Oz’s relatives.   There is a lot of down time while we watch the kids play send all of the kids to the basement to play.  The grown-ups fill the time talking, laughing, drinking wine (and whiskey), and eating while our butts conform to the shape of the couch cushions or vice versa.

A trip to Liberal is like a mini-vacation of sorts.  A vacation that requires you to drive 6.5 hours to a happy house in the middle of nothing. 

source

On this trip, however, I made it my purpose to seek out all that Liberal has to offer.  Turns out that Liberal is much more than just creepy motorized munchkins.  Liberal is full of crazy, and here is what I found (in no particular order):

1.  Midget wrestling.

   

Yes, my boys who are spending this week with their grandparents, will have the opportunity . . . no, excuse me, the privilege . . . of going to the community center to watch midget wrestling.  Not “little people” wrestling.  This is the real deal.  And, if you are wondering what that might look like, take a look at what I found in the local paper:

I’m a little sad that I will miss it. With any luck, Drama (my middle child) will get his picture taken with a midget in a singlet, and my life will be complete.

2.  Bridge over Troubled Rocks.

This display of ingenuity is exactly what you think.  It is a bridge over an interrupted portion of sidewalk . . . so that you may traverse over their flower bed of rocks without having to step out into the street.  And, it has the owner’s named carved on it. 

I wanted to go back after dark to see if a troll lived under it, but I was a little scared.

3.  The Mystery Machine

Well, looky here . . . someone painted a kidnapper van like the Mystery Machine.  And, they actually use it to promote their business.  Or more likely, they drive around at night while trying to coerce unsuspecting children into the back. Luckily, our kids were trapped inside all day Sunday watching a Scooby marathon on Cartoon Network.  How poignant.

4.  Conspiracy Theorists.

This is one of the few signs in Liberal that is written in English.  And, boy, am I glad that I was able to read it because I now have confirmation of what I always suspected to be true.  Crimes against eggs must be stopped.

5.      House of Mud.

Sorry.  I forgot to drive-by the house of mud to snap a picture (and almost unbelievably I can't find one on Google).  But, I hear, that it just looks like your average stucco house.  Nevertheless, it was attractive enough to lure Chevy Chase and his clan to Liberal in the original “Vacation.” 

6.  Confusing Wall Art.

You might think that this is a throw-back to Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz.  I did.  But, I’m told that it’s actually a tribute to the annual Pancake Day Race, which involves the citizens of Liberal competing against the citizens Olney, England to see who is faster.  Some call it “Shrove Tuesday.”  Liberal calls it “Pancake Day.” 

Okay, I'll concede that the pancake race is more fun than crazy.  I will run for pancakes.  My workout crew calls ourselves “Team Shortstack,” for crying out loud.

7.  Dead Tree Art.

Why remove dead trees from the city park when you can just paint them instead. 

 8.  Hooker.  

Twenty miles southwest of Liberal is Hooker, Oklahoma . . . where you will find Oz's Grandpa's house and a ton of signs that will make the twelve year old boy in you giggle.  Hooker Health Club.  Hooker Hardware.  Hooker Community Pool. The Hooker Horny Toads.  Endless material. 

9.  My Father-in-law’s crazy, mad skills 

These last two pictures are not crazy, as in loco crazy.  They are crazy, as in awesome crazy.  My father-in-law made eight Adirondack chairs for Oz and I. . . saving us $299 on each one . . . out of scrap wood that he had just laying around.   And, one of them, he made special just for me. 

Can you spot what makes it special? 

That’s right a wine holder hole . . . because he knows and loves this girl.

So, there you have it.  A tour of liberal.  Well, a tour of the more "that sh*t cray" stuff in Liberal.  

Just kidding.  I will be back . . . possibly, as soon as next weekend, to pick up my boys.   But, its okay, because I love Liberal a little. 

Here is my workout schedule for the week:

Mon:  3 mile run
Tues:  x-training class
Wed:  3 mile run and x-training class
Thurs: off
Fri:  3 mile run and x-training class
Sat:  3 mile run

See you tomorrow for what I ate today . . . if I can remember to take pictures. 

Laters,

JMo