Tuesday, July 31, 2012

My Liberal Hooker Weekend: That sh*t cray

We spent last with my husband’s family in Kansas.   My husband, a.k.a The Great and Powerful Oz, was born and raised in Liberal.   

And, it’s very fitting that I lovingly somewhat sarcastically refer to him as Oz on this site since his hometown is also the home of ‘Dorothy’s House’, which is 5,000 sqft of animated entertainment. 

The citizens of Liberal are predominately Hispanic (65%), which means that there are few signs or storefronts that I can understand.  It  is entirely unclear to me whether the citizens appreciate the rich cultural history that is provided by animated munchkins.

But, in all truthfulness, I LOVE visiting Liberal.  My in-laws’ house is one of the happiest places on earth.  I am an only child.  So even after being married into the family for 14 years, the amount of energy and activity that goes with three kids and all of their offspring still takes me by surprise.   And, no one even minds that fourteen people are sharing two bathrooms.  It’s special.  

Now, if you think that my complimentary description of my in-laws’ house is my attempt to suck up to them and Oz’s sister (who, incidentally, dressed up as Dorothy and gave tours of Dorothy’s house during high school) before I tear the town up, you would be correct. 

Because like any other small mid-west town (including my own), there isn’t much to do in Liberal.  

We spend a lot of time hanging around the house or the house’s of Oz’s relatives.   There is a lot of down time while we watch the kids play send all of the kids to the basement to play The grown-ups fill the time talking, laughing, drinking wine (and whiskey), and eating while our butts conform to the shape of the couch cushions or vice versa.

A trip to Liberal is like a mini-vacation of sorts.  A vacation that requires you to drive 6.5 hours to a happy house in the middle of nothing. 

On this trip, however, I made it my purpose to seek out all that Liberal has to offer.  Turns out that Liberal is much more than just creepy motorized munchkins.  Liberal is full of crazy, and here is what I found (in no particular order):

1.  Midget wrestling.


Yes, my boys who are spending this week with their grandparents, will have the opportunity . . . no, excuse me, the privilege . . . of going to the community center to watch midget wrestling.  Not “little people” wrestling.  This is the real deal.  And, if you are wondering what that might look like, take a look at what I found in the local paper:

I’m a little sad that I will miss it. With any luck, Drama (my middle child) will get his picture taken with a midget in a singlet, and my life will be complete.

2.  Bridge over Troubled Rocks.

This display of ingenuity is exactly what you think.  It is a bridge over an interrupted portion of sidewalk . . . so that you may traverse over their flower bed of rocks without having to step out into the street.  And, it has the owner’s named carved on it. 

I wanted to go back after dark to see if a troll lived under it, but I was a little scared.

3.  The Mystery Machine

Well, looky here . . . someone painted a kidnapper van like the Mystery Machine.  And, they actually use it to promote their business.  Or more likely, they drive around at night while trying to coerce unsuspecting children into the back. Luckily, our kids were trapped inside all day Sunday watching a Scooby marathon on Cartoon Network.  How poignant.

4.  Conspiracy Theorists.

This is one of the few signs in Liberal that is written in English.  And, boy, am I glad that I was able to read it because I now have confirmation of what I always suspected to be true.  Crimes against eggs must be stopped.

5.      House of Mud.

Sorry.  I forgot to drive-by the house of mud to snap a picture (and almost unbelievably I can't find one on Google).  But, I hear, that it just looks like your average stucco house.  Nevertheless, it was attractive enough to lure Chevy Chase and his clan to Liberal in the original “Vacation.” 

6.  Confusing Wall Art.

You might think that this is a throw-back to Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz.  I did.  But, I’m told that it’s actually a tribute to the annual Pancake Day Race, which involves the citizens of Liberal competing against the citizens Olney, England to see who is faster.  Some call it “Shrove Tuesday.”  Liberal calls it “Pancake Day.” 

Okay, I'll concede that the pancake race is more fun than crazy.  I will run for pancakes.  My workout crew calls ourselves “Team Shortstack,” for crying out loud.

7.  Dead Tree Art.

Why remove dead trees from the city park when you can just paint them instead. 

 8.  Hooker.  

Twenty miles southwest of Liberal is Hooker, Oklahoma . . . where you will find Oz's Grandpa's house and a ton of signs that will make the twelve year old boy in you giggle.  Hooker Health Club.  Hooker Hardware.  Hooker Community Pool. The Hooker Horny Toads.  Endless material. 

9.  My Father-in-law’s crazy, mad skills 

These last two pictures are not crazy, as in loco crazy.  They are crazy, as in awesome crazy.  My father-in-law made eight Adirondack chairs for Oz and I. . . saving us $299 on each one . . . out of scrap wood that he had just laying around.   And, one of them, he made special just for me. 

Can you spot what makes it special? 

That’s right a wine holder hole . . . because he knows and loves this girl.

So, there you have it.  A tour of liberal.  Well, a tour of the more "that sh*t cray" stuff in Liberal.  

Just kidding.  I will be back . . . possibly, as soon as next weekend, to pick up my boys.   But, its okay, because I love Liberal a little. 

Here is my workout schedule for the week:

Mon:  3 mile run
Tues:  x-training class
Wed:  3 mile run and x-training class
Thurs: off
Fri:  3 mile run and x-training class
Sat:  3 mile run

See you tomorrow for what I ate today . . . if I can remember to take pictures. 



Sunday, July 29, 2012

Making a Spectacle of Myself for Banana Oatmeal Muffin/Cake

On Friday night, I was faced with a real conundrum.   There was the most delicious looking banana cake being offered up at our BIG family dinner.  

Okay, so this picture doesn't really do it justice.  But, I knew that Great and Powerful Oz's family would really think I was a freak if I took a piece, put it on a pretty plate, took a picture of it, and then put it back. 

Even though I really wanted to eat a piece a quarter of it, I  also wanted to save my big blow out dessert for later in the weekend.  There was a rumor that homemade butterfinger ice cream might be made.   So, I abstained from the cake and whipped up a custom treat for myself.   The display that I put on doing the "whipping-up" of my dessert sabotaged any of my earlier efforts to trick Oz's family from thinking I was a nut.  But, its cool.  After 14 years of marriage, they are stuck with me.

I'm pretty sure this recipe from www.stuftmama.com was in my subconscious and that the below creation is not 100% my own . . . although mine is quite a bit different since I was doing it on the fly. 

Banana Oatmeal Muffin/Cake

1/2 mashed banana
1/4 cup whole grain oats
1 Tbsp unsweetened Almond milk
1 egg white
1/2 tsp baking powder
Sprinkle of cinnamon
1/2 tsp rum extract
8 drops liquid Stevia


Mix all ingredients in a microwave safe dish. Microwave for  approximately 3.5 minutes. Top with StuftMama's peanut butter frosting (2 Tbsp PB2, 1 Tbsp sugar free maple syrup, 1 Tbsp Almond milk).

Here's my after photo:

It was lick the plate good.  It was a little more spongy than cakey but it really hit the spot.  It could have been Stuft Mama's peanut butter frosting though.  I could put that stuff on a piece of cardboard, and I would be satisfied.  

I should also add that Oz thought it looked like cat food.

Here are the stats for the muffin/cake:

And, here are the stats for Stuft Mama's PB2 icing:

Bon Appetit,


Friday, July 27, 2012

Birthday Shout Out and Check Out My Wicked Cool Socks

I am CELEBRATING today!  It is one of my very best friend's birthdays.

Happy birthday to the sweetest, most generous, funniest, most encouraging running buddy, and most determined (now that a certain male coach is guiding our efforts instead of little ol' me) Team Shortstacker that I know.  Though she thinks she's getting old, I have six laps around the sun on her. She's still just a pup.

Emily says she is taking this one hard, and to her I say, this is as good as it gets. Just wait a few more years when every part of you starts breaking down.

At thirty-seven, my teeth are falling out and my thutt and spine are all jacked-up.

I still haven't written about my medical problems. I'm in some sort of severe denial. 

And, I don't want to be one of those annoying people who goes on and on about their ailments. You know what I'm talking about.  Those people who check in on Facebook as being at home in terrible pain.

I like these someecards just a little too much.

As part of my physical retail therapy, I bought some compression socks, and I really believe that they are going to cure all that ails me.

 As a runner, I've seen and heard about compression socks for years, but until recently I really thought they were just a weird fashion statement. Then, Bryson, our cross-training instructor, encouraged us to get some tall socks to protect our shins while we are doing deadlifts.  Our class is dangerous.  Just look at this skinned knee, which I got from doing 150 modified burpee push-ups on Wednesday.

I decided to go ahead and get compression socks from http://www.procompression.com/ rather than just knee highs since http://www.skinnyrunner.com/ had a coupon code on her website for a 30% discount. 

The idea behind compression socks is that they squeeze your legs, which improves circulation and aids in muscle fatigue and recovery after long runs.

Even though I'm limiting my runs to 3-4 miles while I get my physical kinks worked out, I figure that compression socks might help with my thutt problems. Probably not. What I really need is a compression body suit.

Preferably one with gadgets, like this one.

On the day that the skinnyrunner coupon was to expire, I started an online order but then got distracted before I could finish it. The next day, I got an email from a nice man at www.procompression.com asking if I need assistance to finish my order.

My first thought was 'stalker!' because I hate it when Pottery Barn and Amazon email me about something I've been looking at on their sites. But, I emailed him right back and said that my coupon code had expired but I would be back. Guess what?!? He sent me a 40% off coupon.  Now that is some customer service!

I jumped on it and ordered three pairs for myself and two of my running buddies. I put them on as soon as I opened up the package.

I haven't run in them because 1) it's a 101 degrees outside and 2) you don't need compression socks to run 3 miles. But, I have worn them around the house a lot.  I even wore them yesterday while we drove six hours to Kansas.

I'm looking super cool and stylish. Or, more likely, just crazy.  The Great and Powerful Oz would say "crazy." 

Even at 40% off, they sent me two.  One for my right foot:

And, one for my left foot:

I also bought 4 pairs of these shorter socks one weekend when the company was having a 50% off sale. 

Buy them here

I HAVE been running in these regularly, and I love them.  So, my advice to all my running buddies is run right out and buy yourself some of these super cool socks.  You won't be disappointed.  

I would really love a black pair and a white pair of the taller socks.  So, I'm stalking their FB page until they announce another sale.   You should too!  Like them HERE

Well that's two posts in two days.  Oz is going to beat me with a rubber hose.  Have a great weekend.


P.S. - This is not a paid advertisement.  No one pays for my opinions on anything.


Thursday, July 26, 2012

I'm So Offensive and Some Hard Hitting News

Every now and then I will see a passive agressive comment on Facebook or Twitter that seems to be in response to some rambling I've spewed in Crazy Mother fashion.  I've wondered, 'Is it about what I wrote on the blog or is it sheer coincidence?'  And then, Carly Simon starts singing "You're so Vain" in my head, and I dismiss it. 

Theoretically, someone could be offended or upset about what I write.   I get it.  I sometimes divulge too much.   My trashy mouth, bad taste in books, and lack of fitness/nutrition training may be offensive to those with delicate sensibilities.

But since passive agressive is not my style, I thought I'd take a little time to address any discontentment. Here we go.
For the record, I love this blog. 

I love to write.  It is fun. I love it when people see me around town and tell me that they have been reading my blog and that they enjoy it, think its funny, etc. etc.  Love it, love it, love it.

Crazy As A Mother allows me to exercise my creative writing skills (something that is not allowed in my chosen profession) . . .


. . . while at the same time share topics that interest me and are hopefully of interest to others. 

I TRY not to preach.  I don't always succeed.  When you talk about food, nutrition, and fitness it comes off as preachy to those that don't give a shit about these things.  
Still, nothing said here is gospel.  In fact, there is an entire page on this site dedicated to dispelling any misconceptions regarding my credentials.  Because I have none. 


Rather, my posts are merely a diary of sorts. A glimpse, if you will, into what I do in my daily life to help prevent myself from ending up cruising the aisles at Walmart with my backside hanging over the edges of the seat of a motorized cart.

The things I write about are simply what works for me . . . to keep my weight under control, to keep my heart and other vital organs from failing at age 40, to keep my blood sugar and cholesterol in check, and to make me feel good about me (because who doesn't need a little of that from time to time).

What works for me may not work for you. But, maybe . . . just maybe . . .  I will motivate you . . . without being preachy and a jackass about it . . . to figure out what works for you. Or, maybe, I'll just make you laugh every now and then. And, that's fine too. Laugh with me, laugh at me, I don't care. Just laugh.  It is really not my goal to turn you over to my wicked ways. 

I try to be truthful in my posts.  I am not going to paint a rainbows and unicorns picture of what I eat.

I think you should hear it all.  The good, the bad, and the ugly. That's why I tell you when I go off the reservation and eat my way through a package of Oreos. That's why I openly admit to loving libations and . . . much to my mother's dismay . . . to drinking just a wee bit too much a little more often than I should. 

The point is that I'm not perfect and I'm not going to present myself as perfect.  Besides, it's not like I'm trying to make it to the Olympics or win a body building competition.

Anyway, if you disagree with what I write, feel free to leave a comment here or on my Facebook wall.   As an attorney, I welcome a friendly debate.   I'm not afraid.  And, as the administrator of the blog, I can assure you that anyone who gets ugly with their comments will be deleted.  Hee hee.

Now to the important stuff . . . some hard hitting news.  I read online yesterday that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattison Edward.

With the married director of her last movie. 

I'm not impressed with her or her choice of jackass cheaters. 

To make up for her errant behavior, she made a public apology.  She could have picked up the phone and called Robert Edward, but she opted for a more personal approach.  So, if you see him be sure and tell him about it.   Just in case, he hasn't heard.

I've got to say that this may be the best news I've heard all year.    Maybe, when Edward comes to my New Year's Eve party next year, he will be single.

And, here is Tuesday's bad day of eats (I was swamped with work and chained to my desk all day):

Breakfast:  An omelet.  No picture.
Sorry, I forgot that I have a food blog.

Morning Snack:  fat free Greek yogurt with  a
nectarine and some cherries.

Lunch:  Green Monster.  I drank most of it before I took the picture.
I probably drank 5x this much.  And, my blender broke so
you can see the ice chips and spinach.  Blech.
Afternoon Snack Part I:  Laughing Cow Cheese,
hummus, and celery.

Afternoon Snack Part 2:  I still had some left over hummus
and laughing cow cheese.  Needed a new delivery mechanism:

Afternoon Snack Part 4:  Venizon summer sausage
shot and killed by my friend Mary Kate
and Wasabi Almonds
Dinner:  Skinny Taste Pork Carnitas on a bed of mixed
greens, rotel, and yellow peppers.  A taco with the same
pork and guacamole.  Black beans and fat free sour cream.

Evening Snack:  Almond Milk Ice Cream from
and peanut butter frosting from http://www.stuftmama.com/
This whole bowl is less than 100 calories and has very little sugar.
I LOVE IT.  Thank you stuft mama!

Did you notice that I grazed through the afternoon?  My lunch was too puny, and I was mad hungry by mid afternoon.  Upon reflection, my Tuesday food was not substantive enough, but I assure you that I made up for it on Wednesday. 

Happy Thursday.