Friday, June 22, 2012

Break's Over

I took a five week sabbatical from blogging.   For a couple of reasons.   First, I've lost my nutritional mojo (more on that below).    And, second, I have been told by this guy

If you are wondering what he is doing here, I think he's telling me not to eat chips.

that blogging takes up too much of my time.  

It's true.  I have spent a lot of valuable time blogging.  Time that could be spent doing actual work that makes actual money. Time that could be used tending to the floors, laundry and other menial housework that I generally try to ignore and/or hire out. 

But, most of all, I have wasted valuable time that SHOULD be spent hanging out with these people:

However, I really like Crazy as a Mother.   It's a guilty pleasure.  So, I'm back.  But if I'm going to keep it up, I may need to cut back on the number of posts per week.  Or, maybe I'll learn how to write without being such a windbag. More likely,  though, I'm going to sneak out of bed at 1:00 a.m. to write nonsense. 

Since I'm sure that you've been on pins and needles [insert sarcasm here] wondering what I have been up to during the last month . . .

Eight things you missed didn't miss at all while I was gone:

1.  The kids are out of school for the summer.
What this means is  . . . they are running around the house . . . under foot all the time.  Screaming.  Yelling.  Having Nerf gun wars.     
Every.  Single.  Day.  And I love it.  Mostly. 
But, it's not all fun and games.  I put those little yard apes to work.  Here is the boys' chore chart for the summer. 

It's extra big because I thought bigger would provide more incentive.  The jury is still out on that one.
2.   The Great and Powerful Oz and I celebrated our 14th anniversary by taking the kids on a mini-vacation.
We took them to the Hyatt Lost Pines Resort in Austin.  Except for one excursion to the liquor store, we didn't leave the resort.  For three days, we did nothing but swim, eat, and sleep.  Basically, Jeff and I enjoyed some cocktails at the pool while we watched our kids try to drown each other. 
It was mostly uneventful. Except for the floater in the pool. 

And, let me tell 'ya, it WASN'T a Snickers.
The Tiny Princess promised that it wasn't hers, and Drama offered to fish it out for $5.  The kids were ready to get right back in as soon as the doodie was out, but there was no way that Oz was getting back in that water.
3. I had a nutritional nervous breakdown and gained seven pounds. 
I just haven't been very motivated.  I should be motivated . . . after all its bikini season.  But, I haven't been feeling it. What I have been feeling is ice cream and Reese's peanut butter cups and Oreos.  

That might be why I haven't been blogging.   It's kind of hard to write about eating sugar-free when you are throwing down Reese's peanut butter cups every night.

However, I decided that it was time to get back on the food-logging band wagon when I was running a few days ago and thought I smelled something burning.  

4.  Elizabeth and I joined Chickasaw and started the cross training class.

It is taught by a real, live certified crossfit instructor.   And, so far, we really like it.   
Even though our workouts are only about 25-40 minutes long and our instructor is having a hell of a time teaching me how to properly do a kettlebell swing without killing myself or someone else, I leave there feeling totally wasted most days.  In fact, there was a day last week when I didn't think I could drive myself home afterwards. 
And, it's an added perk that the workouts include excercises with names like: 

Turkish Get-ups
I'm going to be a thrusting Turkish man before too long.

5. My teeth are still falling out.

No real news here except a few days ago my two front teeth just started spontaneously bleeding. I wasn't even eating an apple or anything.  Their days are numbered I tell 'ya.  Those teeth are going to fall out, and it's going to get real ugly before it gets better.


6. I read the entire three book Fifty Shades of Grey series in 10 days. 

Everyone is talking about it . . . the Today Show, the ladies on "The Talk", my near and dear Kelly Ripa . . . EVERYONE.   And frankly, I'm a little late to the party. 
In case you have been asleep under a rock, it is sexually explicit and includes enough S&M that libraries have banned the series of books.  I have to admit though that I loved them.  I devoured all three books in just ten days. 

And when I was done, I was just left wanting more. 

7.  The Tiny Princess threw out an F-bomb at the ball park.
Yes, this pretty little flower of a girl said the f-bomb.

We were watching Drama play ball, and she was wearing cowboy boots with her jorts (a.k.a., jean shorts) . . . a really knock-out look . . . when she slipped on the bleachers.   
And, right in front of my mother, she said "Oh, F&%@!"  I stifled a laugh and said indigantly, "What did you say?"  Naturally, she repeated it for me, and it was crystal clear.  There was no room for arguing that she said something different . . . like "Oh, duck!"   
Besides, as my mother pointed out, there weren't any ducks around.   
8.  I went to the Thutt Doctor. 
Oz says that I haven't been clear about what my thutt problem is.  He said that people probably just think that I'm annoying because I think there is too much thutt under my butt.

But, it's not that.  My thutt problem is a constant nagging ass cramp that has harassed me for over a year now.  And, finally, I've had enough of it.  So, I made an appointment. 
I was worried about two things.  First, I worried that they were going to tell me that I need to lay off the running.  Second, I was worried that I was going to be inappropriately dressed at my appointment . . . because what kind of panties does one wear to have their thutt examined?   
Turns out I worried for nothing.  They didn't tell me to stop running.  They gave me steriods and anti-inflammatories.  And, I didn't have to get undressed at all.  So, no one even saw my panties . . . or my lack there of.    

I was going to do ten things. But, I'm cutting back, remember.  So, you only get eight.  Plus, I'm not sure ten things actually happened.

Have a great weekend.  See you Monday.  Maybe.



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