Thursday, April 26, 2012

Parenting . . . Willy Wonka style


For our Friday "Sidelining the Sweet Talk", we are going to (once again) discuss parenting:  Willy Wonka Style.

During our sleepover last weekend, in an attempt to get the herd of kids we had in our charge to bed, we popped in  "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory."   Not the scary Johnny Depp version, the original, the classic, the one we all know and love.



We were whipping up our cookies in the kitchen which is open to where the kids were watching the movie so we caught a lot of the scenes. I loved this movie as a kid.  Shocking that I would love a movie where candy and chocolates have a starring role.

I used to think that if only I could get my hands on one of those gummi bears the size of a cocker spaniel, I could die happy.   As it turns out, I am just $149.99 (+ shipping) away from being able to realize my life long dream.

26lb gummi bear  from Vat 19
But as those bratty little kids dropped one by one and the oompa loompas came out to sing of their demise, the thought occurred to me:  Forget Dr. Spock, Dr. Phil, Dr. Pepper. . . all good parenting lessons can be learned from that crazy chocolatier and his orange midgets.




First up. . . Augustus Gloop.  He was a  gluttunous little german who couldn't keep his hand out of the streudel jar.



Lesson learned:   That McDonalds happy meal is clogging up your kids arteries just like Augustus clogging up the pipe in chocolate river.  . .  Feed 'em healthy stuff.


Violet Beauregarde.  The oompa loompas took offense to her gum smacking.  




But I think that Violet gives us two lessons for the price of one:  Don't let your kids chew on gum like a cow and NEVER EVER dress your daughter in a union suit unless they also are wearing a diaper.

Veruca Salt.  The Oompa loompas ask a very good question while singing about the wretched Ms. Salt.  "Who do you blame when your kid is a brat? Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese Cat?"  Mom and Dad, that's who. 




Lesson learned:  Don't give your kids every little thing that they want or they will end up in the incinerator.   Well, maybe not the incinerator, but they will end up unlikeable adults who are constantly disappointed by life.  
Bratty kids are like puppies who "poo poo" on the floor.  They are moderately tolerable because they are puppies.  But sadly, puppies that "poo poo" on the floor, if not properly trained, turn into dogs that "S*@!" on the floor.  

Say no to them every now and then and make them earn their keep. 

At first glance I thought that these kids were bottling wine
and I was ecstatic.  After closer inspection,
 I can't tell exactly what they are doing. 
But they are working and not complaining.  I dig it. 

Mike Teevee.   I fully recognize the irony of pointing out the evils of TV learned while plopping 7 kids down in front of a movie.  



But, TV does have it's place and can save a mother's sanity when all she wants to do is go to the bathroom by herself.  But as with all good things, there is such a thing as too much TV. 

But, Willy Wonka and the Oompa Loompas loved Charlie.  The old man was raising him right, and he was the epitome of a good kid. 

He speaks softly,  he's honest, he has a job, he's nice to old people.   He's perfect. 

And, what did he get for it?  A chocolate factory, that's what!  Maybe just one of my kids will turn out good enough to win me a chocolate factory. 

So, there it is. . . parenting 101 by Willy Wonka.  I think that instead of that stupid car seat video that the hospital makes you watch before you can leave with your newborn baby, they should pop this in.  The world would be a much better place if all our kids could be Charlie Buckets.  

ew










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