Friday, April 20, 2012

"Objectively Disgusting"

For today's "Sidelining the Sweet Talk" post, I'm going into dangerous territory. 

It is dangerous because I'm going to talk about this guy:  



Now, if you know him, you know that the Great and Powerful Oz is a very complicated person.  He can be very sweet, spreading flattery all around. 

He thinks I'm awesome at least five days/week.
He is exceptionally funny and makes me laugh every single day. 


However,  while I love him unconditionally, it can be very hard to live with someone who is always thinks he is always right.  About everything.


An argument we've had recently is over his use of the word "objectively." His prolific use of the word drives me bananas.

Let me provide an example.  

Just after Easter, this was my breakfast:  boiled eggs, an english muffin with cashew butter, and mixed broccoli, cauliflower, and kale.

 

 
I completely understand that sauted veggies and kale, specifically, are not on the average person's breakfast plate.  I do.  I get it.  But, the Great and Powerful Oz waltzes into the room wearing his suit and tie and declares that my breakfast is
objectively disgusting.

Sometimes he and I play the "this is what you said . . . but this is what I heard game." 

So, while he merely stated that my breakfast "is objectively disgusting," what I actually heard is:

"Not only do I think that your breakfast
 is a disgusting pile of poo
but everyone else would think so too." 

Is he right?  Maybe.  But, how does he know? 

Is objectivity measured by the masses?  Is it an average?  How can he presume that he represents the objective opinion on the disgustingness or lack of disgustingness of kale?   Or brussel sprouts or turnips (which are also items that he has declared "objectively disgusting")?

Here's another example.  Yesterday, I told him (for about the 20th time in 14 years), "I want a volkswagon bug."  In the past, his reaction has been a lot of mental eye-rolling and general dismissal.  But yesterday, he responded, "what color?"  

So after some back and forth, I sent him a picture of two cars:


First Choice
Second Choice

His response was that this is an "objectively better car":

Ummmm . . . but that's a totally different car.
   
So, I did what any good lawyer would do:   I looked up "objective" in the dictionary. 
ob·jec·tive [uhb-jek-tiv]:  not influenced by personal feelings, interpretations, or prejudice; based on facts; unbiased; an objective opinion.
 
Thus, if he's using the term "objectively" correctly, the Great and Powerful Oz is saying that regardless of how he may personally feel about kale (or brussel sprouts or turnips or pink Beetles), it is a fact . . . an unbiased fact . . . that they are disgusting. 

I just don't know.  But that's the difference between the two of us.  He is 100% confident that his opinion is the right one.  All of the time.  His rationale is that if his opinion wasn't right then it wouldn't be his opinion. 
 
And, to be perfectly honest, he usually proves to be right about most things.  And, I usually prove to be wrong.  It's a real bugger.

However, we did come to a conclusion about the car last night.  We agreed that the following is the "objective" truth:



+





=
With stripes if I can find it.

And, I can easily say that is an "objectively" fun set of wheels. 

Now, if "serious" Jeff can just lose his mind for a minute and buy it for me (which will admittedly be the 3rd Jenni car in our garage and my 10th car in 14 years of marriage), he will "subjectively" be my hero.

Have a great weekend,

Jenni

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