Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I Totally Stunk Up My Parents' House

When you are 17 and your parents leave town, you throw a party.   When you are on the cusp of 37 and your parents leave town, you sneak into their house and roast brussel sprouts.





Now I personally love the aromatic bouquet of roasted brussel sprouts but some people (a.k.a. Grumpy Jeff) find their odor offensive.


Now that is the wrong side of a skunk!

If you, too, live with someone with a sensitive sniffer, you may need to change your approach for preparing sprouts.

 

How to Roast Brussel Sprouts Jenni-style:


1. Break into someone else's house.


my parents' house where I grew up

2. Preheat oven to 425.




3. Rinse the little gems so that you don't eat dirt and get pinworms.




4. Chop off their tiny little butts.




5.  Spray with Pam or brush or spray with olive oil.


6. Sprinkle with salt and pepper.

7. Bake for 45 minutes or so. I like 'em crispy and blackish.




8. Pop a few in your sprout hole to make sure they live up to expectations.


9. Lovingly put them to bed in an odor-proof container.




10. Remove evidence of oven trespass.


11. Bribe home owner's dog to keep your secret.




The things I will do for a Brussel sprout.


What-I-Ate Wednesday:

My breakfast was just the same-old, same-old. Nothing ground breaking here:



Breakfast:  Scrambled egg whites, yellow peppers,
mushrooms, avocado, and cheese;
english muffin with cashew butter
Calories: 357
Fat: 17
Sugar:  4

This was a Dallas day, and I had the good fortune to have lunch with this very special little lady - though my conversation was so riveting that she slept through the whole thing.




I love babies under three months because they are portable and borderline comatose.


Her momma and I ate at Fadi's Mediterranean Grille. I had the veggie platter, which meant that I ate roughly a pound of hummus.



Lunch:  veggie plate
Calories:  who knows?
Fat:  a buttload
Sugar:  minimal
As you can see, I also had some Greek salad, a pasta salad, creamed spinach, pickled beets, and a whole wheat pita that was roughly the size of my head.






I left Fadi's fat and happy - though not as fat and happy as the man with the big spare tire around his waist at the table next to me.  He ate three head-sized-pitas with his lunch. I tried to get a picture of either his plate or his spare tire, but he caught me gawking.

Since my lunch was lacking anything with a face, my requirement for dinner was a big hunk of meat.


Dinner:  NY strip, roasted brussel sprouts and turnips;
steamed green beans
Calories:  414
Fat:  22 g
Sugar:  5 g
  

My New York Strip was slightly over-cooked for my taste. I thought about refusing it, but since I was the chef . . . that would have meant sending my ass back outside to cook another one. So I accepted it as is.





I had never cooked or knowingly consumed a turnip before, but I was given a free paper sack full of them. I'll try any vegetable once - especially a free one.




Sprouts and Turnips
Grumpy Jeff maintains that turnips are objectively hated by the general public . . . second only to brussel sprouts  . . .  

But, I genuinely liked them.   I thought that they were surprisingly sweet.  What I've determined though is that I'll eat pretty much anything.    I'm like a garbage disposal.


My snacks throughout the day included a tall Starbucks skinny Misto, a Perrier water, popcorn, colby jack cheese, Nut thin crackers, and a glass of wine. 


And there you have it. A full day of good eating.


Pop Quiz:
Do you like turnips?

If so, how do you like them cooked?
- I peeled and roasted them with Ms. Dash.


Do you notice being much hungrier on days when you get in a good workout?
- I ran 7 miles this morning and was starving all day.


Jenni

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